Saturday, April 13, 2013
{ 11:29 PM }
Looking at my previous post, it's been almost 3 months since I last blogged. Happy times indeed flies past before you know it, and I wanted to write something happy to replace this absence here! But today it's not the day.
It could be a lovely Saturday but I, being the irrational one, spoilt it. Just had a huge fight and he is not talking to me.
There's so many things I want to say but I don't know where to start.
As much as I don't know if anyone will understand what I been through, emotionally and mentally last year, I always try my best to forget the incident. In fact I should forgive and forget it. But instead I kept harping on it, mentally and emotionally inside me constantly that it takes a huge toil on me. I can't help it. Then I started giving excuses to myself that I can use this against him.
I kept thinking to myself "what is it that I didn't do enough that made him do whatever he called it as a stupid mistake"
How is that possible that one has the intention to do it, calls is a stupid mistake when found out. I just cannot comprehend.
I just felt that this was very unfair to me.
After that, I become someone I wasn't the one I'd turned out to be.
I become more than just very demanding, questioning, self centered, always giving myself excuses to such a extreme that leads to self abuse and constant irrational arguments.
I hate myself for turning into what I am now.
